Be brave enough to say I love you more often
We have all experienced it before, saying I love you to someone and we don't hear it back. Nothing hangs in the air with such stillness as those words I love you passing through our lips and hanging in the air like the stale smoke of an extinguished fire. I am not only speaking about the I love you we might say to a partner, but an I love you we may say to a parent or friend too. For some of you that one time can be enough to fear saying it again. For others it may be just the leap you need to get past the fear of silence and try again. Which one are you? How comfortable are you saying I love you to the people in your life that matter?
The regret of my life is that I have not said 'I love you' often enough. - Yoko Ono
I happen to be a person that is comfortable saying I love you but it wasn't always that way. I learned the more I was open to saying I love you the less worried I was about the silence or weird pauses I may get and it got way easier with practice.
For a moment, think of saying I love you like planting seeds, the more you plant the more you will sew. Sure, like any worthwhile harvest you won't get it all at once but when your seeds begin to bloom you will be amazed at the field you are standing in.
I remember in an awkward moment years ago. I was having a heart to heart talk with a friend that was going through a difficult time. When the conversation came to an end I said goodbye, I love you, I did this on instinct not on purpose. It was a big oops moment and the phone hung from my neck like an albatross and I couldn't wait for the click to end the call. I stood there and mulled it over and I thought, what is wrong with saying I love you, this person is a dear friend and I do love her so I should be okay with saying it.
Through the years I have had many people in my life that I have said I love you to that didn't immediately reply. I truly believe that me saying it has made people more comfortable saying it too.
Fast forward to now, when I part with people I care for, I love you has become a sincere easily spoken expression just the way it is supposed to be. So be brave enough and say I love you more often. You just may help someone be brave enough to say it more too.
Improve your confidence and self esteem with these 5 tips
Some people are naturally self confident, for others it can feel like a day to day struggle. The good news is that self confidence can be improved with some practice.
Do you ever feel apprehensive when you need to meet new people? Do new experiences and environments conjure up feelings of fear and dread more than excitement and joy? If this is the case then taking some time to work on your self confidence can add great benefits to your life. The following are some practical tips that you can apply today to help bolster your self confidence.
1. Dress well
When you look good you feel good. When you take the time to put yourself together not only are you practicing some awesome self love but you are giving your self confidence a natural boost. Dressing well can give you a bit of an edge and can help you walk with a purpose and hold your head up high. Think about this, you don't often see someone dressed well walking around with a poor me look on their face, they often look self confident and poised. The extra bonus is, people will receive you more positively just for looking your best. Don't believe me? Here is a test you can do. The next time you need to return something at a store dress well. You will often notice the people that dress well get helped that much faster than those that are dressed average. When you walk out the door dressed well take a look in the mirror, smile at yourself and feel your self confidence shift.
2. Smile
This part can take a bit of practice and doesn't always feel comfortable to everyone but with practice smiling can become way more natural to you. Her is the key, sincerity counts, so when you smile, take a moment to look at someone and do it with purpose. Don't just walk into a room and smile at everyone like you are throwing confetti, it may freak people out a bit. All kidding aside, when you smile with ease and intention it carries with it a perception of self confidence. Even if you haven't gotten where you want to be with your self confidence just remember, "fake it til you make it." Here is a practical tip to help you practice. Each day when you walk down the street smile at people. Yes, you will have people look at you like, man, is this person weird. However, those people will actually be rare. Most people will smile back at you. Many people will look surprised at first wondering if you are indeed smiling at them but when the initial shock of a stranger smiling at them passes you will be greeted with a warm smile. We all want to feel accepted and happy, smiling is a bridge we can create with another person without saying a word. The give and receive practice of smiling will help you boost your self confidence and feel great. The more I practice this the more I am amazed just how effective it is.
"Low self-confidence isn't a life sentence. Self-confidence can be learned, practiced, and mastered--just like any other skill. Once you master it, everything in your life will change for the better." Barrie Davenport
3. Have a support group
Having a few select family and friends that you can count on can do wonders for your self confidence. Choose people that you can count on to provide you with support and insight when you are feeling challenged. Trust people that know your strengths and believe in you. When you have found these people, offer support and encouragement in return. You can enhance your self confidence by having a support group and being a part of another person's support group. It is in our human nature to help.
4. Challenge yourself
Go have a new experience that is out of your comfort zone. This exercise is not about what you do, it is simply about the doing. When we move outside of our comfort zone to a place of the unknown we often come back feeling proud of ourselves for just being brave enough to do it. Don't know where to begin? Check out Yahoo Meetups for activities in your area. Many are free and I am sure you can find at least 20 things you have never done before. Most of them are free and activities with a variety of schedules so you have no excuse. Get out there, challenge yourself and feel your self confidence grow.
5. Share what you know
We all have things we are good at; special places where we really shine. I bet there is someone you know that can benefit from your unique skill set, assistance or point of view. Don't be afraid to extend yourself because someone will be really grateful when you do. We don't need to seek out a charity, (though that is a great idea too) because there are opportunities to share out gifts all around us. We only need to open our eyes and listen. When we share our talents it boosts our self confidence and gives light back to the world.
Please leave a comment below and share any tips you may have too.
It's not a midlife crisis it's a midlife awakening so enjoy it
Why is it called a midlife crisis? Why not a midlife awakening? Is it so wrong, after years of following the rules that our parents, teachers and society has laid out before us to finally wake up and take back our youthful wonder and engagement in the world? You often hear he/she is crazy they are acting like a child. Why does he need to buy a fast car? Why is she working out all the time? What do they have to prove?
In our quest to place things in a tidy little box is it possible that our comments are laden with jealously and discomfort because we too long to be adventurous and live yet we don't have the guts to do it. When did getting older mean depleting the zest from our life. How can we be a good example for our children or the world at large if we lose sight of the wonder that is around us? Can we not work hard, be good people and have fun too?
We cite things like affairs, car purchases and exercise as hallmarks that define alterations that are taking place. But let's get real here, people do all of those things at a younger age; maybe the difference is when we are younger we can't go out and buy an expensive car but many of us sure as heck would if we had the means to do so. Humans are fallible we make messes, me make mistakes.
I know you, like myself sometimes wish we could have avoided all of the challenges and learned the lessons we needed to without a mess, without pain. We make gigantic asses out of ourselves, we do it from birth until death. I understand the idea that we should be older and wiser but perhaps it's time we bag that cliché and focus on the fact that the human experience is wrought with pitfalls, ditches, and twisting turning patches that can lead you into Utopia or a mire of crap. Sometimes it's a little bit of both; heaven and hell intermixed. The journey is different for each of us. We can judge, place blame, shake our fingers or we can just accept we belong to the same darn club.
"Here comes 40. I'm feeling my age and I've ordered the Ferrari. I'm going to get the whole mid-life crisis package." -Keanu Reeves
Is a midlife crisis a construct we create to give a disease like reason to something we just can't nail down? Is it possible there is a bit of midlife awareness going on and that awareness, even if it is an urging for nothing more than for us to live, explore and venture out do have new experiences is just what the soul craves. Clearly, we find discomfort with relationships altering, people pursuing new things, life being shaken up in ways we don't understand. And, if this shaking happens to us, we want reason, answers and we relish labels so, sticking a shiny title to it does the trick for us and everyone around us. Blow off the labels and embrace your insatiable desire to grow and go with it. We are human, we are supposed to keep evolving so remeber that if you feel judged let the opinions roll off your back like water.
I think the greatest lesson on the topic of midlife growth and transition is acceptance. Accepting changes, unseen forces and the push and machination of the soul. You have one life to live and I find it doubtful at the end of the road you will regret living, even if it is messy, though I can guarantee you will regret it if you don't live at all.
7 Quick tips to help you get the most out of your Mid-life (Crisis) Awakening
1. Explore something new that has always been in the back of your mind.
2. Be okay with letting go of old goals that don't feel good anymore.
3. Don't be afraid to release friendships that no longer align with your new path.
4. Volunteer your time.
5. Meditate.
6. Learn to say no to people and things that deplete you.
7. Have fun, if you are not having fun you are not living life.
I would love to hear your thoughts on the topic, please comment below.
What you need to know when your life falls apart [4 Tips to help you survive transition]
It is important to remember that a transition in life may or may not be chosen. Forced change can show up with the sudden loss of a loved, divorce or a loss of a job and these moments in life are more than what we call change. For many people these moments can feel very similar to death because the way they occur can be sudden and often devastating. It is important to recognize that a desired change and well calculated plan to do so is not the same as a sudden transition. A sudden transition can leave you feeling like your whole life is fallng apart. When we experience a sudden emotional blow to the head that sends us reeling we need to take time to regroup and consider our alternatives. However, this is often easier said than done because we don't have the time to plan for the fallout that a big life change can present so it makes us feel unprepared and afraid. We don't know what the hell happened and better yet have no idea where to even start to stop the nightmare. These are some things I have found useful for dealing with this scary part of life.
1. Reach out to family and friends
For some of you of you like myself this part may be very hard but it often proves to be a life saver. I am a private person so I have never been great with sharing my day to day life or relationship problems. Many of us grow up with the idea of dealing with everything ourselves. Most importantly, when it comes to relationships we all know how devastating a negative word against our partner can be because many people never forget it. That is why it is very important to confide in people you trust, those that really want the best for you and are not overly judgmental. Yes, sometimes this can be hard if not impossible to do but one person is better than no person, so keep that in mind.
2. Lay off the sauce
No, not BBQ sauce, I am talking about wine, beer whatever your pleasure. I understand that for some having a drink can take the edge off and numb the pain but it is something that is temporary. More often than not, we wake up the next day feeling worse about ourselves. In the moment it may feel like a relief, however alcohol is a tricky beast that starts as an "I don't give a damn" stimulant to a "what happened to my life" depressive. Fun in moderation, hell in transition. I enjoy a good time but I know all to well the ass we can make of ourselves drinking when in bad place and the crap we feel when we wake up and know we want better.
3. Give your time to Good
If you have free time why not volunteer some of the awesome skills you have. It's a great way to meet positive people and give you some feel good meaning during a hard time. If you ask friends and family or reach out to coworkers I bet there is a cause that is dying for your help. If you don't know where to start there are many weekend charities looking for a hand. This was a lifesaver for me. I began to listen and found that there where causes that needed my unique talents and they didn't require some perfection they were just happy to have my time. I started saying yes more and spending a day or evening of service made me feel good about myself and they opened me up to a world of positive people doing awesome things. I made some great use of my free time and I felt amazing doing it. It made me realize I should have been doing this all along. Sometimes chaos requires a distraction and I can't think of one better than offering up your service. It fills you and the world up and it just may lead to other opportunities in your future.
4. Stop trying to figure it all out now
Transition can give you amazing moments of growth but it can also be frustrating as hell. We are conditioned to figure our everything and our friends and familiy uttering the constant question of "what are you going to do" don't help. What we must remember is we don't need to have it all figured out. It's a process, we need to be kinder to ourselves than we have ever been. We must resist the temptation to feel pressured to have life all figured out and be okay with the unknown. Ultimately things unfold and a new journey begins but that timeline cannot come by force. Being present, kind and aware is all we can aid in the process.
If we are mindful of the process and use this as an opportunity to grow, we can actually come out of a difficult time stronger than we were before.
If you have any tips or comments please share them below as I would be honored to hear from you.
Say goodbye to the past and move forward with this simple exercise
Is the past showing up like an uninvited dinner guest everyday pissing you off by eating your food (energy) and leaving only to show up again the next day? Let's grab the past and throw it out the door and let it know it's not welcome back.
Oh yes, the past can hurt. But you can either run from it or learn from it. - The Lion King
Saying goodbye to the past can often be no simple task but it is vital if we want to move forward. The past can be a replay of happy memories or it can flood our minds with negative thoughts, self doubt and worry. Today we are going to write your past a Eulogy. Since the past is dead let's honor it so you can move forward and continue to create an awesome life. I provided a Eulogy I recently wrote to my past to help you get some inspiration. It can be funny, serious or a mixture of both. If you want to learn more about writing a Eulogy here is a link with some formal steps.
When you are done, print it out and read it everyday. Rituals like this can help us clear the debris and change thought patterns. Please comment below and let me know how you felt about writing a Eulogy to your past. If you enjoyed this I would realy appreciate you sharing it. You can also do this exercise with friends or family and get a laugh out of it too. Don't force yourself to be serious, anything goes.
Eulogy for The Past
Dear friends we are here today to honor the wonderful life of the Past.
If you knew the Past like I did you know it could be a real tough son of a gun. The Past didn't always have the kindest disposition but it was always kicking your butt really hard to move you forward.
In one moment the Past could have you laughing hysterically and the next moment you could be swimming in a sea of tears.
The Past loved sharing life lessons with you and it had a tendency to repeat itself if it didn't think you were paying attention. This often drove me crazy and I bet some of you can relate, but later I realized that the Past was trying to teach me something because it cared.
The Past taught me to have a thick skin and not worry about what people thought. The Past reminded me that being a good person with one hell of a sense of humor was a gift and I should be proud of that.
The Past taught me that sometimes all you need is a beautiful Sunset or a great laugh to make a day great. And, if you were lucky enough to have both at the same time count your blessings and count them often because it is the little ones that add up to make magic.
Today, I want to remember The Past and all that it has taught me. If it wasn't for Past, I wouldn't be who I am and I where I am, getting to meet the future with all of you.
